


Too much, too much, too much

by WrongEraDreamer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stress, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 00:20:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12876186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrongEraDreamer/pseuds/WrongEraDreamer
Summary: "He doesn’t want to be a bad student, he doesn’t want to disappoint everyone, he doesn’t want to fail… but he just… can’t! can’t! can’t! can’t! He doesn’t feel motivated at all, he doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t feel like giving a fuck even though he gives thousands! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!"When university is too much, there's Phil.





	Too much, too much, too much

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this THANK YOU! and if you like it, please let me know. This is pretty much me avoiding my own responsibilities as well.... ha...ha...hahaha... anyway, hope you like it!

Dan is tired, he has 3 essays for next week and a fuck ton of reading to do. Normal people are smart enough to know that if they organize their time properly they can finish their work and do a decent job, but he feels tired and lazy and done with everything and he feels like shit because instead of being normal he was stupid enough to leave everything for the last minute and even with the due date dangerously close for all his stuff he still hasn’t started and doesn’t feel like doing it any time soon. After at least 15 more minutes avoiding his responsibilities he calls Phil.

 

“Hey.” Phil sounds a bit sleepy, he was probably taking a nap.

 

“Hi, wondering if I can stay the night with you…?” He hates burdening Phil with his stress but he needs him now, he really does. He’s aware that he has been bothering Phil a lot lately with his problem but who else can he turn to? His family is a phone call away but does he really want to tell his parents or his grandma about how much he hates his classes?

 

“Sure, if you aren’t busy and you grab some popcorn on the way we can watch a movie.” That makes Dan smile and feel guilty at the same time. He IS busy… but… Watching a movie with Phil and ignoring all of his problem is just so tempting.

 

“Great, I’ll be there in a bit.” He hangs up and heads out. He took with him one of the copies he has to read to pretend that he might read it after the movie. Maybe he will… maybe…

 

The sun is beginning to set and after buying some popcorn he gets on a taxi. While sitting there he takes out the copies, and tries to read a bit. After reading the same paragraph at least three times he gives up and decides to do it later. Always later… never now… always putting things off. FUCK!

 

When he arrives to Phil’s apartment he stays a little while in the corridor, thinking about all the stuff he has to do, feeling like shit for being so irresponsible, wanting to be a functional human being instead of the mess he is right now. He could tell Phil that he made a mistake and is actually pretty busy, he could even stay with Phil but study there, an environment way more relaxing for him than his suffocating room.

 

But he can’t… he can’t deal with it now…

 

Three seconds after knocking the door Phil welcomes him inside with a smile. “You brought the popcorn?”

 

“Is that all I am to you, your popcorn slave? What if I brought a delicious block of fresh cheese for us to share?” Phil makes a disgusted face and Dan laughs. “You’re lucky I’m a nice person, I bought two boxes of popcorn.”

 

“Yay! As for the movie, are we feeling scary, romantic, adventure, sad or funny?” He asks while taking the popcorn to the kitchen. Dan pretty much collapses on the sofa. He hears the sound of the microwave heating the popcorn and Phil taking some glasses and plates out.

 

“You sounded sleepy when I called you, were you taking a nap?” He takes out his photocopies again while Phil is in the kitchen, perhaps he could read at least the first page. “As for the movie, I want something nice, I want something that won’t stress me out.”

 

“In that case not horror or sad. And yes, you woke me up, I fell asleep editing a video.” He answered and laughed a bit. That made Dan feel a bit jealous, he wished he could focus more on making videos than studying, he wished he could be just like Phil, done with university and with more free time. He knows that Phil has been stressing out lately because he wants to find a good job aside from YouTube, but for now he seems just fine and happy and Dan really craves that.

 

Phil came back with two glasses of Ribena and a dangerously balanced bowl of popcorn. Dan quickly took the bowl while Phil placed their drinks on the table.

 

“What is that?” Phil said pointing at Dan’s photocopies. He quickly shoved them inside his bag.

 

“Nothing, some papers I left on my bag.” Dan felt a bit trapped here, he didn’t want Phil to know that he was putting off homework, he already complained to Phil all the time about university and didn’t want him to feel more disappointed.

 

Phil ignores it and goes to his DVD collection. “Want to watch something from Ghibli?”

 

Dan bites his lip for a second. The whole idea of coming here was to feel better, not worse. “Yeah, that sounds great. How about Spirited Away? Haven’t watched in a while.”

 

Phil chuckles. “Thought you said you didn’t want anything stressful. Don’t know about you, but for me it has really stressful parts.”

 

“I meant Saw movies level of stress, think I can deal with this one. Just put that one and come here.” He sounds a bit like a brat, but Phil either ignored it or didn’t notice it. He needs to calm the fuck down and he can’t take out his stress on Phil, that is just cruel and unfair.

 

Phil finally sits next to him and they start watching the movie and eating popcorn. Any other night this would have been just fine and pleasant, but tonight Dan couldn’t concentrate on the movie. The photocopies on his bag were pretty much shaming him, mocking him, making him feel like shit. He starts biting his lower lip and he’s aware that doing that makes them dry and horrible, but it’s a nervous habit that he hasn’t been able to stop since his last 2 years of school. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…

 

He’s crying, or well… sort of, he’s shedding silent tears and his lower lip is a bloody mess and he’s trying his damn best to be quiet so Phil won’t notice. Eventually he can’t hold his sobs for long so without looking at Phil he asks him to pause the movie for a sec while he goes to the bathroom. Once he is inside the covers his face and sobs as quietly as possible. Why is he like this? He’s not one of those carefree students that don’t care if their parents spend a lot of money on their education, he does care. He doesn’t want to be a bad student, he doesn’t want to disappoint everyone, he doesn’t want to fail… but he just… can’t! can’t! can’t! can’t! He doesn’t feel motivated at all, he doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t feel like giving a fuck even though he gives thousands! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

 

He knows that he has to get out of the bathroom soon or Phil will worry so he washes his face, tries to blow on his eyes and just keeps his breathing normal. When he goes back, Phil has pretty much finished the popcorn and he smiles at him. Dan gives him a small smile back and sits down again. The movie is about to finish so perhaps he can read what he brought, he is sure that Phil won’t mind. The night is young so maybe he’ll even tell Phil that he just remembered that he has to go back to his room because he forgot about a thing that he has to do.

 

But he doesn’t want to, he is stuck in a limbo where he doesn’t want to do anything and feels like shit for not doing anything but when he thinks about doing anything he feels worse. How is that even possible? What is wrong with him? Nobody feels like this! Either they care or don’t! How the hell did he get stuck on this limbo.

 

“Dan, hey… what’s wrong?” Phil is looking at him now and he has a worried expression.

 

“Nothing, why do you ask?” Dan is a good actor, he knows how to pretend.

 

“You look a bit… out of it.” Phil gently places his hand on Dan’s cheek and it takes all of his willpower not to cry again.

 

“Is that your nice way of telling me that I look like shit?” He laughs, he can fake a little laugh, he can fake many things.

 

“It isn’t and you know it. What aren’t you telling me?” He moves closer to Dan. No, no, no, no, stay away.

 

“I don’t know what you’re on about, I mean I AM tired, what university student isn’t? but aside from that I’m fine.” He laughs again, perhaps he shouldn’t.

 

“I know, I just… I don’t know.” Phil shakes his head and sighs. “Do you want to finish the movie.”

 

It seems like neither of them want to finish it now, that is not good. “If you want to? I just…” Dan no longer knows what to say.

 

“Dan, what-“ Phil suddenly stops talking and immediately hugs Dan. Wait… why is he hugging him? Not that he doesn’t like it, he loves being hugged by Phil, it comforts him… but.. why?

 

“Why the hug?” Dan’s voice is muffled by Phil’s shoulder.

 

“Talk to me please.” He sounds like he is begging, it breaks Dan.

 

“Phil what are you… I’m…” He can’t, he can’t, he can’t. He’s crying again and this time he can’t hide. He curls closer to Phil and sobs uncontrollably, his tears soaking Phil’s hoodie and his hand tightly griping Phil’s arms. Phil rocks him gently and from time to time kisses his head, he doesn’t know how long they stay like that but eventually Dan calms down. He feels so empty inside, so tired, so done.

 

“I’m sorry.” His voice is shaky and weak, he hates it.

 

“It’s okay.” Phil lets go of him and Dan feels really lightheaded.

 

“No, it isn’t, I should be at my room studying, or at the very least I should read those copies that I brought but I don’t want to do it and I also feel like shit for not doing it and I don’t know if you understand what I mean but I just… I just… I don’t know what to do Phil.” He won’t cry again, he is too drained for that.

 

“I… I don’t know what to do or say, Dan.” Phil takes his hand and gives it a little squeeze and he looks so worried. “But if there is anything I can do, tell me. If you want to study here that is perfectly fine or if you want me to distract you with movies or memes that is okay too.”

 

“I… Phil, I’m a mess and I don’t expect you to know what to do and you don’t have to. I’m the one with the problem and I feel terrible that you have to deal with my petty problems of being a lazy asshole.” He is such a disappointment, he acts like studying is the end of the world.

 

“Dan, I’ve seen you struggle during this semester and by now it’s pretty clear that it’s not just laziness. You also seem under the impression that I’m going to judge you if you aren’t doing perfectly at university and honestly? It pains me. I’m you boyfriend and what I care about is your happiness and health, not your grades.” He raises Dan’s hand to his mouth and kisses his fingers. “I’ll obviously tell you when you are being irresponsible or when you’re doing something you shouldn’t, but it is obvious that this is weighting on you and that there is something more than just not wanting to do an assignment. I don’t completely understand what is going on but I am here for you, I’ll always be here for you.”

 

Dan doesn’t know what to say, he suddenly feels so overwhelmed with love and gratitude that words are not enough to express it. He decided to show it with actions, he gently grabs Phil’s head and kisses him, his chapped lips trying as best as they can to express how thankful he is to have him, how lucky he feels, how madly in love he is with him and how each day he loves him more and more. But sometimes words are needed too, so slowly he stops kissing him. “I love you. God, you have no idea how much I love you and how thankful I am of having you in my life and sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve you because this… THIS… what you just said, I just… I love you.”

 

“I love you too and you say it as if doing this is a burden or something. Dan, I love you and I care about you and you need to understand that loving you is not a burden, loving you is the best thing that has ever happened to me.” Phil suddenly laughs a little. “And now you made me a huge sap, I hope you’re happy.”

 

“I am.” He answered smiling. “But yeah, sweetness overdose, sorry about that. Still thank you, really.”

 

Phil gives him another kiss and then stands up. “How about you keep me company while finish editing my video? You can even help me if you want.”

 

Dan nods and takes Phil’s hand. They spend the night editing Phil’s video and kissing quite a lot since they both still felt really sappy, even though they refused to admit it. Phil even managed to make Dan read the copies he brought, he didn’t understand all of it but it made him feel a bit better. Problem solved? Not at all, he still had a lot more to do and he still felt no motivation to do it, but knowing that Phil was there for him really calmed him down and while he still felt anxious and stressed about university, perhaps he no longer feels like it’s the end of the world. The semester is about to end and he’ll just have to wait and see what happens. He also has YouTube and it seems to be going well, Phil made a point of making him understand that even if he isn’t the best at Law, he has talent when it comes to making videos and that he is not a failure.  Who knows what’s coming? Perhaps something good, perhaps not. Dan just accepts the fact that he’ll live no matter what and that Phil will be there as well.


End file.
